«You’re so damn CUTE» (c) my rapist
«You’ve changed, you’re an animal now»
«I think you LOVED it»
«Please don’t tell me this, it’s GROSS» (c) close friend I shared this with
«Ты чертовски МИЛАЯ» (Мой насильник)
«Ты изменилась, теперь ты животное»
«По-моему, ты ДОВОЛЬНА»
«Не рассказывай мне — это МЕРЗКО»
(мой близкий ДРУГ, которому я рассказала)
«It’s your fault»
— my ex after we broke up. He uploaded my personal photos online and shared them to my friends
(I was 15)
— сказал мой бывший, слив мои фото в интернет и разослав моим друзьям после расставания.
(мне было 15)
“All girls dream of being raped”
«Все девушки мечтают быть изнасилованными»
My close friend raped me in May, 2014. I was 16 years old.
When we met that day, nothing gave away his intentions. We often hang out, and it was okay. I never thought something like this could happen to me.
We were at his place, watching movies. It was late, I decided to go home. He went to the front door, and I heard the lock clicking. I thought it was a bad sign. He came back and said he would give me pleasure. I tried to ran, but he didn’t let me. He pushed me to the sofa, pushed my skirt higher and tore up my underwear. I was in hell. He went on for hour and a half, but it felt like an eternity. He was saying things like “Do you want me to fuck you all day long?”, “Do you like that?”. It wasn’t enough, apparently, so he told me to suck him off. He said I will regret, if I won’t comply. Читать дальше >
I was thirteen.
I lived in a small village near St.Petersburg. One day my friend visited me and we decided to go for a walk. On our way home we had to walk down a secluded road. It was late, a car stopped by and a driver — a middle-aged man — asked for directions. He asked us to go with him, guide him. My friend was younger, but braver than me, she agreed and sat in front. I didn’t want to be left alone, so I joined them. My friend showed him the road, It was okay for a while, but suddenly he drove into a field. We tried to convince him to leave us be, but he told us to shut up. He asked our names, asked how old we were — we told him we were 12 and 13. Читать дальше >
Second time my uncle was the abuser – he bugged my mother a lot. She had already divorced my birthfater by then, and she had medical condition, hernia or two, but we didn’t know this, she acted normal. When my uncle disliked something she said, he manhandled her, and she was lying on the floor, crying in pain. I couldn’t even get her to the hospital straight after this, because the adults said she was just pretending. After she hopefully got medical help, well, I don’t remember much – I was scared, I couldn’t comprehend why he did this, he was her brother, he was older, stronger, he should’ve protected her.
Next time I was the victim. When I had enough – I was fed up with how he treats grandma, I told him to shut up. Then we fought, I said something really rude to him. I was really glad grandma was nearby, because he looked like he was gonna hit me. She dragged him away, while he shouted “How did you call me?”. I thought then “I called you what you are”. Читать дальше >
There were several incidents, and the hardest one was, well, more psychologically painful than physically so. I was 6 years old.
It was my birthfather.
When it happened the first time, I was just a little girl, I don’t remember much. My dad disliked something mom said, so he tried to strangle her, got her in a chokeheld and held her down with his elbow, so it wouldn’t leave any marks. He said it himself, while doing this: “it won’t leave any bruises”. So I took a plastic butterfly net, and poked him – that was the only thing I could do, I was deeply afraid of him. Then I ran to my room, I wanted to call the police, but I was so frightened. I dialed twice, same woman answered me, she tried to calm me down. She said “Please, calm down, tell me what’s wrong”, but I cried, and out of fear I hanged up twice. Then I called my grandma, she called the police. Dad stopped when the doorbell rang. Later, when I got older, my mom told me, that police workers laughed at her, told her she won’t be able to prove anything Читать дальше >
“Lie down, don’t be afraid, I won’t do anything”
«Ложись, не бойся
Я ничего не сделаю»
I was 18.
I’ve been working as a waitress at the restaurant for a year already. One morning I was alone at the restaurant because our bartender called in sick. We never had any kind of security there; our boss thought it was totally unnecessary. Two men came in, ordered some alcohol and sat down. After finishing their drinks they asked me to fresh the drinks up and “join them”. I refused. They continued to ask me after every drink. Half an hour later one of them suddenly came to the bar and told me, smiling and reaching out, “We’re leaving. But you’re so shy; I want to kiss you first”. He tried to grab me, but I resisted – not verbally, I just jumped back to the bar counter. He followed me, trying to grab me again and again. His friend was watching, smoking and laughing. “Kiss him”, he said, “We won’t leave until you kiss him”. At the moment he pressed me to the wall I grabbed a knife (I was cutting the lemon when this man came to the bar counter), and they both started to laugh. Читать дальше >
“I just wanted to express my sympathy”
«Я просто хотел выразить симпатию к тебе»