I was thirteen.
I lived in a small village near St.Petersburg. One day my friend visited me and we decided to go for a walk. On our way home we had to walk down a secluded road. It was late, a car stopped by and a driver — a middle-aged man — asked for directions. He asked us to go with him, guide him. My friend was younger, but braver than me, she agreed and sat in front. I didn’t want to be left alone, so I joined them. My friend showed him the road, It was okay for a while, but suddenly he drove into a field. We tried to convince him to leave us be, but he told us to shut up. He asked our names, asked how old we were — we told him we were 12 and 13. Читать дальше >
Second time my uncle was the abuser – he bugged my mother a lot. She had already divorced my birthfater by then, and she had medical condition, hernia or two, but we didn’t know this, she acted normal. When my uncle disliked something she said, he manhandled her, and she was lying on the floor, crying in pain. I couldn’t even get her to the hospital straight after this, because the adults said she was just pretending. After she hopefully got medical help, well, I don’t remember much – I was scared, I couldn’t comprehend why he did this, he was her brother, he was older, stronger, he should’ve protected her.
Next time I was the victim. When I had enough – I was fed up with how he treats grandma, I told him to shut up. Then we fought, I said something really rude to him. I was really glad grandma was nearby, because he looked like he was gonna hit me. She dragged him away, while he shouted “How did you call me?”. I thought then “I called you what you are”. Читать дальше >
There were several incidents, and the hardest one was, well, more psychologically painful than physically so. I was 6 years old.
It was my birthfather.
When it happened the first time, I was just a little girl, I don’t remember much. My dad disliked something mom said, so he tried to strangle her, got her in a chokeheld and held her down with his elbow, so it wouldn’t leave any marks. He said it himself, while doing this: “it won’t leave any bruises”. So I took a plastic butterfly net, and poked him – that was the only thing I could do, I was deeply afraid of him. Then I ran to my room, I wanted to call the police, but I was so frightened. I dialed twice, same woman answered me, she tried to calm me down. She said “Please, calm down, tell me what’s wrong”, but I cried, and out of fear I hanged up twice. Then I called my grandma, she called the police. Dad stopped when the doorbell rang. Later, when I got older, my mom told me, that police workers laughed at her, told her she won’t be able to prove anything Читать дальше >
“Lie down, don’t be afraid, I won’t do anything”
«Ложись, не бойся
Я ничего не сделаю»
I was 18.
I’ve been working as a waitress at the restaurant for a year already. One morning I was alone at the restaurant because our bartender called in sick. We never had any kind of security there; our boss thought it was totally unnecessary. Two men came in, ordered some alcohol and sat down. After finishing their drinks they asked me to fresh the drinks up and “join them”. I refused. They continued to ask me after every drink. Half an hour later one of them suddenly came to the bar and told me, smiling and reaching out, “We’re leaving. But you’re so shy; I want to kiss you first”. He tried to grab me, but I resisted – not verbally, I just jumped back to the bar counter. He followed me, trying to grab me again and again. His friend was watching, smoking and laughing. “Kiss him”, he said, “We won’t leave until you kiss him”. At the moment he pressed me to the wall I grabbed a knife (I was cutting the lemon when this man came to the bar counter), and they both started to laugh. Читать дальше >
“I just wanted to express my sympathy”
«Я просто хотел выразить симпатию к тебе»
“No one will know anything. You’re just a thing”
I was 15
«Никто ничего не узнает. Ты просто вещь»
Мне было 15.
I was 17.
I had dated my abuser for 2 years before it happened.
I came over to my boyfriends’ (I’ll refer to him as V.) we played some games, drank tea, and had fun. Later, when I was going to leave for home, he invited me to stay overnight. We hadn’t had sex before and I didn’t want to, because I felt I was too young for that and I was not ready. V. shouted at me, and when I tried to calm him down, he grabbed me; and then something happened that I had never expected.. My boyfriend raped me and the only thing he said was “Women should know their place you bitch”. I haven’t dated anyone since then.
Don’t keep it to yourself. Tell your parents about it. Tell your friends, your therapist, anybody, just don’t withdraw into yourself. If you do, it will only lead to more suffering, depression, and repeated panic attacks. Читать дальше >
“Tender as a kitten…
My little kitten…
Want you so much…”
(I was 14)
«Такая ласковая, как котёнок…
Мой маленький котёнок…
Так хочу тебя…»
(Мне было 14)